4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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