My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
