would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
