Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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