3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
