he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
