Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We are two peas in an std pod
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
