remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
