this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
