his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I looked at my own cervix.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
