Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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