NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
