you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
