I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
