god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
