You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Two words: blizzard sex
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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