u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
