I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
