My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
