I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
