Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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