Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
