Well douche your snatch and let's go!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
