i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dicks are not precious.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
