They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
