im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
