Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
50% drunk capacity currently
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
