Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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