She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
