So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she peed on how many people?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
