we're chasing vodka with high fives
He told me they were just razor bumps!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
