I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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