Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
