he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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