the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i out mim tonsoeep
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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