If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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