Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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