i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
