Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
