Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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