so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
