I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
