your thong is hanging out like whoa
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
