she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
