apparently the secret to your success is patron
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
