I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
