if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
