meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Bring me that man meat
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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