We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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