i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
