so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
