So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
