Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
