i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
