we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
