I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
