Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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